I was born in a factory

When my parents got married, they wanted to have the most perfect children in all history. I am the firstborn, and my parents figured with all the new technology being invented, they had a good shot at perfection using computer editing and alterations to create me.
My mother started by making a list of all the characteristics of a perfect child, and then researching how the birth process would work. My dad pulled out his iPhone and went straight to google.com to see if there were any labs that were using technology to create babies. After much internet searching and many phone calls, he finally discovered a land mine.

Deep in the Andes mountains some undercover scientists had found a way to grow babies without incubation. They had such confidence in their newfangled technology that they even designed a Baby Factory connected to the lab, which was constructed by some Incas who were bribed with off-road wheelbarrows. The Incas apparantly had trouble using normal wheelbarrows, so the tougher ones were a great sensation.

My father and mother were poor in the days before I was born, so they had to get short term jobs in order to buy the tickets to fly to South America. Any sort of day job was out of the question, because my parents were too busy discussing what attributes a "perfect" baby would have. My mom ended up being a newspaper delivery girl, and my dad became one of those people who hold up the signs that say "Stop", or "Slow" for traffic during road constrution at night. Both jobs didn't pay much, but combined after a period of 9 months, finally produced enough money to purchase two round-trip tickets to South America. My parents were ecstatic.

When they landed on a tiny strip in the Andes mountains, my mother and father had no idea what they were in for. But being young and in love, they figured they could face anything together. The first problem was discovered when my mom let out a gasp.
" Oh dear! How are we going to get to the factory? There's no taxis up here!"
Fortunately, an Inca was just passing by with his new off-road wheelbarrow, and my parents were able to catch a ride. They both fit in the wheelbarrow because neither had eaten much for the last 9 months. When they reached the factory and tumbled out of the wheelbarrow, my mother discovered the next problem.
"Oh my! We forgot to make an appointment!"
The scientists' lab didn't have a waiting room, so my parents had to wait outside while arrangements were made. After a week and 33 hours, 157 magazines, and 42 packs of gum, they were allowed to enter the new factory.

The scientists gathered some information from both parents, then led them to a computer where they could enter in the baby characteristics they wanted. It was at this point that my mother remembered another problem.
"Oh no! We forgot the list!"
They had to make due with what they could remember and decide on the spot. Unfortunately, they had forgotten what my favorite colour should be. My dad entered, "Rainbow". That mistake still haunts me; I can never decide which colour is my favorite.

When my parents finished entering the information, they were told to return home and wait; I would be shipped to their address in 2 days. They flew home in great excitement, only to faint upon landing and be rushed to the hospital for malnutrition. When they were released, they couldn't wait to check their mail. My mother was afraid I might have died during shipping.
The package they found in their mailbox was 2 " square, which further increased my mother's anxiety. How could a baby fit in there?
Actually, the box was mostly full of bubble wrap. But, in the centre of the wrap nestled a tiny plastic bag. In the bag was a spec of what looked like lint, and some paper instructions.

~ JUST ADD WATER~

My dad grabbed a cup, placed the lint in it, and filled the cup with water. I fairly exploded out of the cup. My mother had to duck to avoid the dangerous shards of plastic from the cup. Finally, I slowed down and stopped growing at 8 pounds. By instinct, my parents dressed me and put me to bed.
Then they sat quietly for a very long time. My mom broke the silence first,
"She broke my only cup."
" Well," my dad brightened, "At least we can sue them!"

Unfortunately, the scientists, either from forgetfulness or great wisdom, had not included a receipt for the transaction. My parent's had no evidence against the scientists, which apparently had demolished the factory upon seeing me come out of the works. The judge, being a compassionate person, sent my parents home with a collection of books including How To Survive a Mid-Life Crises, Dealing With a Mental Breakdown, Raising Your First Child, and How To Keep a Proper Bank Account. My parents eventually recovered from their mental, emotional, and financial shock and went on to have 2 more kids- the normal way.