Monday, February 22, 2010

I had a painch this morning

since the roaring success of my last blog, I haven't had much time to write, but now I have time again! Once again, my brain has lost control of its normal functions conveniently during Bible class. Our last group is presenting today, and I'm sure I'll have a lot of things to say...so I started early this time. Class is just about to start, and Mr. Hinds is trying to find the right time to jump into our usual clamor and bring it to a halt. (actually, I should say "onto" instead of "into" in order to make a proper mental picture of a runaway horse)

Anyway, now class has started and Luke's group is clattering forward. Beth, Benji, Becky Luchak, Luke, Sharon, and Jenny have had a longer time to prepare, so we are greatly anticipating their talk. So are they, I expect. I can't say much about any observances of nervousness, except Luke just forced a yawn and shrugged his shoulders. They are presenting on Christian Lifestyle.

Bethany is pretty hillarious. She gets nervous and tends to ramble, but she does it in such a nonchalant and charming way that nobody really notices that she doesn't know what she's trying to say. I said that because she started the presentation by telling us about the topic, was interrupted by Benji exploding a styrofoam cup, which reminded her of a story that happened to her family a while back.
-I really must interrupt myself to comment that the lotion I just put on my hands smells amazing. (It's Nectarine Mint from Bath and Body Works)

Now I lost my train of thought. Anyways, I decided not to be quite so detailed in my observances of my classmates...it was bound to get me in trouble. Instead, I'll tell you about what I learned during Biology today. We were each assigned an organelle from an animal cell to make a presentation on. (what's with all these presentations, I'd like to know?) I asked Melissa to pick an organelle for me, and she gave me the rough endoplasmic reticulum. I could have abbreviated that to rough "ER" but I think that looks like "rougher", and it's so much more exciting to read the whole words. So I looked up the rough endoplasmic reticulum in my biology book and on wikipedia. It's totally the COOLEST THING EVER!!!!! Well, maybe besides Leonardo da Vinci's being left-handed.

Do you know why he was called "da Vinci"? Well, he was actually an illegitimate child, so they called him after the place where he was born- Vinci! Michelangelo was his rival, apparently, but I discern no competition. Leonardo was LEFT-HANDED for crying out loud! He specialized in mirror writing...which I don't. That's why I'm not on Wikipedia. Another reason is because he spoke Italian, and I don't . Italian is always more prestigious than English. Otherwise, we're very similar.

Anyways, I actually didn't have a painch this morning; I avoided one. A painch is the name I've coined for the pain you get in your index finger when you use it in the back of your tightly-laced shoe to help your foot go in. So I avoided it by unlacing my Converse and stretching the tongue out before putting my foot in.

I'm ending this blog now because I can't think of anything else to say. We're supposed to be editing sermons for our upcoming mission trip to Sabah, Malaysia, and I can't really NOT do that. L8TER!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

During Class

Today is Wednesday. February 7. 2010. I'm writing this blog during Bible class.
After reading my last blog, I was inspired to write again. I'm sitting right in the middle of the classroom, so everyone behind me can see what I'm doing. My keyboard is slightly sticky because I'm also eating raisins; obviously forgetting to use my brain in the process. You're not supposed to eat when you're using your laptop. oh well. I need the iron, I suppose.

For Bible, our 30 person class been split into 5 groups that have had 5 different topics to study and make a presentation on. Melissa just pulled out Milton, the Moose. She's playing with his magnetic hoofs (or whatever moose feet are called) because she wasn't able to do that during her presentation two days ago.

The group presenting right now has the Sabbath for a topic. Michael is teaching Jonathan Farquhar about the Sabbath, presuming that Jonathan is a Sunday keeper. Farquhar has his glasses pushed very far down his nose, in the true old-school style. I wonder why people push their glasses down when they're trying to imitate an ancient person. Obviously it's because ancient people wear their glasses way down, but why do they? Does it help them see better? Oh well, it's just one of those quandaries, I guess.

Melody, who is sitting beside me, just drew a DNA-type helix doodle on her paper. We glanced at each other and gave the mutual nod of approval. This nod seems to be quite popular with highschoolers at Fountainview. Everyone likes to be approved, I suppose. Maybe it's a substitute for texting. FA students can't have phones to text with, so their means of unspoken communication are reserved to body language. How sad. But maybe that's how it was meant to be in the first place....

Jonathan Sharley is talking now. He's wearing a blue and green polo over a green t-shirt of a slightly different verdure and a distinguished brown suit jacket thing, which is quite typical and an understatement of his usual style. When he talks, the tip of his nose wiggles up and down. He makes me smile. Jonathan Farquhar, his blond hair reminiscent of Einstein, is watching him intently, glasses still at half-mast. He also makes me smile.

It seems irreverent that I'm not paying attention to the presentation. I know they're doing a really good job, but I'm not really listening to what they're actually saying. Leighton just looked up at me but we didn't give the mutual nod of approval. It's not because we don't approve of whatever eachother was doing, it's probably because- wow...Farquhar is really funny. oh, he pushed his glassed back up. -and now they're back down again. lol. I'm really glad he could come this year.

I'm going to comment on how when Michael says the word "and", he says a "t" on the end of it. "Andt." He's Malaysian/German/and some others..so maybe its a language hazard. Even though English is his first language.
Anyways.
The group just brought Mrs. Corrigan in to share about how it was when she was a Catholic. She's a Very Cool person. Her husband, Mr. Corrigan, is our Most Excellent Math teacher.
The group finished with a yodel/cheer from Jonathan Sharley. Most every sound that comes out of him hearkens to a yodel.

The new group has Ryo, Robby, Vern, Ortiz, Douglas, and Joey. Visually, it's amusing when they're standing together. Vern is the only girl, and she's Very Short. Ortiz and Robby, who she's standing between, are Very Tall. Ryo is stretching because he's nervous. David O's chin wiggles and his eyebrows oscillate when he's nervous or embarrassed. Douglas doesn't ever act nervous, but his face is kind of dark. Robby shifts his weight back and forth when he's standing and gestures with his hands a lot. Ryo has his arms crossed and he's alternating between looking at the ceiling or the floor. Joey smiles slightly when he's nervous. Probably a habit from singing in Craig's choir. He also uses his hands to talk.
Ryo is funny when he talks because with his "lazy" asian accent, he drops the "s" on the ends of words. Also, he makes almost every noun singular and says verbs in the wrong tense. Sharon tends to do that too, even though English is her first language. Tragically, since she's my room mate, she's influenced my speech too. Sometimes I speak with a lazy asian accent! (secretly, I think it sounds kind of cute..not that I try to imitate it purposely)

Ortiz is Mexican. And he has a very strong accent. His "v's" sound like "f's", and his "s's" are very much like "s's" and not "z's". He can't really talk without his hands...but I think that embarrasses him sometimes, so he tends to put one arm behind him as a way to keep it silent. His fingers tend to bend backwards when he's really making a point. He's good at speaking up front and not showing nervousness when he knows exactly what he's saying.

Vern's eyes are half-closed, which probably means she's extremely bored. Or maybe its because her eyes are starting to hurt from having to look all the way up at Robby. OR, maybe it's because the violet/lavender colour of Robby's shirt is blinding her. It's starting to blind me, at any rate.

Well, this glob has to end now so we can go to strings practice. L8ER!

Monday, February 8, 2010

I was born in a factory

When my parents got married, they wanted to have the most perfect children in all history. I am the firstborn, and my parents figured with all the new technology being invented, they had a good shot at perfection using computer editing and alterations to create me.
My mother started by making a list of all the characteristics of a perfect child, and then researching how the birth process would work. My dad pulled out his iPhone and went straight to google.com to see if there were any labs that were using technology to create babies. After much internet searching and many phone calls, he finally discovered a land mine.

Deep in the Andes mountains some undercover scientists had found a way to grow babies without incubation. They had such confidence in their newfangled technology that they even designed a Baby Factory connected to the lab, which was constructed by some Incas who were bribed with off-road wheelbarrows. The Incas apparantly had trouble using normal wheelbarrows, so the tougher ones were a great sensation.

My father and mother were poor in the days before I was born, so they had to get short term jobs in order to buy the tickets to fly to South America. Any sort of day job was out of the question, because my parents were too busy discussing what attributes a "perfect" baby would have. My mom ended up being a newspaper delivery girl, and my dad became one of those people who hold up the signs that say "Stop", or "Slow" for traffic during road constrution at night. Both jobs didn't pay much, but combined after a period of 9 months, finally produced enough money to purchase two round-trip tickets to South America. My parents were ecstatic.

When they landed on a tiny strip in the Andes mountains, my mother and father had no idea what they were in for. But being young and in love, they figured they could face anything together. The first problem was discovered when my mom let out a gasp.
" Oh dear! How are we going to get to the factory? There's no taxis up here!"
Fortunately, an Inca was just passing by with his new off-road wheelbarrow, and my parents were able to catch a ride. They both fit in the wheelbarrow because neither had eaten much for the last 9 months. When they reached the factory and tumbled out of the wheelbarrow, my mother discovered the next problem.
"Oh my! We forgot to make an appointment!"
The scientists' lab didn't have a waiting room, so my parents had to wait outside while arrangements were made. After a week and 33 hours, 157 magazines, and 42 packs of gum, they were allowed to enter the new factory.

The scientists gathered some information from both parents, then led them to a computer where they could enter in the baby characteristics they wanted. It was at this point that my mother remembered another problem.
"Oh no! We forgot the list!"
They had to make due with what they could remember and decide on the spot. Unfortunately, they had forgotten what my favorite colour should be. My dad entered, "Rainbow". That mistake still haunts me; I can never decide which colour is my favorite.

When my parents finished entering the information, they were told to return home and wait; I would be shipped to their address in 2 days. They flew home in great excitement, only to faint upon landing and be rushed to the hospital for malnutrition. When they were released, they couldn't wait to check their mail. My mother was afraid I might have died during shipping.
The package they found in their mailbox was 2 " square, which further increased my mother's anxiety. How could a baby fit in there?
Actually, the box was mostly full of bubble wrap. But, in the centre of the wrap nestled a tiny plastic bag. In the bag was a spec of what looked like lint, and some paper instructions.

~ JUST ADD WATER~

My dad grabbed a cup, placed the lint in it, and filled the cup with water. I fairly exploded out of the cup. My mother had to duck to avoid the dangerous shards of plastic from the cup. Finally, I slowed down and stopped growing at 8 pounds. By instinct, my parents dressed me and put me to bed.
Then they sat quietly for a very long time. My mom broke the silence first,
"She broke my only cup."
" Well," my dad brightened, "At least we can sue them!"

Unfortunately, the scientists, either from forgetfulness or great wisdom, had not included a receipt for the transaction. My parent's had no evidence against the scientists, which apparently had demolished the factory upon seeing me come out of the works. The judge, being a compassionate person, sent my parents home with a collection of books including How To Survive a Mid-Life Crises, Dealing With a Mental Breakdown, Raising Your First Child, and How To Keep a Proper Bank Account. My parents eventually recovered from their mental, emotional, and financial shock and went on to have 2 more kids- the normal way.